It's Almost Midnight
by crazyguitargirl
Summary: A series of my one-shots. Watch hilarity ensue as the characters of Gravity Falls make their way through my sleep-deprived ideas that sometimes actually turn out pretty interesting. Number Two: After four years, Dipper and Mabel are finally preparing to go back to Gravity Falls (also this one-shot was the first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote.)
1. Gettysbur6 Island

i rote sum gettysbur6 island

i hop u can reed it

k her goz

'maple halp' diaper sad. 'i fallen love wit windy an i cant get up'

'2 bahd diaper' maple sez. 'i 2 swag 4 u'. she then grab sunglazes and pig and pig get rly big and they ryde in2 sunset

'oh noh zombiiz' diaper sed. diaper isnt worride b/c he live in gettysbur6 island for six whole potatoh n he used to creeturs lyke dat.

'leest i got shovel.' diaper sez. he pull out shubble n strat cruzhing zambies wit it.

one zambie sez 'WAIT STAHP I NO U'

'WHO IS U' diaper say

'I IS ROBBY' robby sez 'IMMA ZOMBIE. IMMA KILL U N TAKE WINDY 4 MAH OWN'

'NEVUR!' diaper take off his shurt. tonza gurls who wer sumhow watchin even doh they in teh mistry hack clap n wistle. dey think diaper look sezy.

'wii finnish dis' robby byte diaper

'noooo my inturnal organzzzzzzzz' diaper say b4 dying. he don becom zambie bcuz robby tihnk he anoyying

meenwyle gidden is tryin 2 giv karl a bath but karl kieps gettn owt

'GAT IN TEH BAHT KARL' gidden screems.

'DON'T TELL ME WAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOO' kral openz mowth 2 get lazr an shoot gidden

'oh noh mah chest' gidden sez. he fall to grownd.

'that teech u 2 mes wit me' karl dances on giddens diing bodee

'gess wut' the sikick boi sed. 'imma a rly strong gui nd i took mah doctr pills this mornng. lazrs dnt hrt meeeee!'

'whi this lyke a bad episde of advuntre tyme' karl wundurs

gidden puts awy hiz copee of ice king fnaficton

'oh wel' kral sez. he pull out gun and stab gidden in hed wit it

'kalr noooooooo' wuz teh last thing gidden sed b4 karl ran uway

'now taht gidden is ded' karl sed wile running magestickly 'i kan take ovr mistry hack nd kill pine twinz'

'NO WAY IN HELL SEMPAI' maple yellz. gyant waddlez stehps on karl wit hiz biiiiig fut hoofy thign

karl es triste. el tiene que hablar espanol porque crazyguitargirl tiene ganas de. el es enojado porque escriber aprendes espanol de 8th grade pero no mas. ella es no ability a hablar espanol o escribir espanol. whooopsies. no translate de google.

karl lye on ground. he cri 'but taht wuz almost gugle translte spainish'

a blodne gurl frum the skai look down karl maple n huge pig. '2 bahd. mah teechr dont teech us n-e-thing abut spainish so whutevr.' she sez. then she shake hur hed. "Oh good lord, what have I succumbed to? I am writing a horrible fanfiction with a poorly executed insert of a real person, awful grammar, horrendous references, and absolutely terrible characterization! It's already February, I should get to bed! However, because I have left a surplus of plot holes in this poorly written one shot, I will at least make an effort to fix them."

evry1 blink. 'wut' maple sez

"And that's not even to mention the writing style!" teh god gurl fume. "What tense is this in? It has used both 'said' and 'says', both of which I might add are written in the wrong way, interchangeably. You do not do that! And who are we even following? I don't understand this."

she crumble 2 hur nees n yell 'I BLAME YOU CLICHEUSERNAME1234!111!1!"

'enuf' pig sed. pig can tawk. sumhow. 'karl is evul an need 2 dye'

'eye uhgree' diaper sez. he walk out uf fourest. he es alyve n not a zambie. don ask why becuz no 1 knows at dis poynt.

'sick him diaper' maple yellz. maple pix up nitting neeble n throw it 2 diaper. diaper katch it. it becooms epic sord n diaper stab karl

'welp im dying' karl sez. teerz streem down hiz face. heez disapointd taht he nevr find luve.

'but i luv u karl' a randum voize sez. evry1 turn 2 c windy run out of forst.

'kral i alwayz luv u' she sez. 'letz fly way'

'kay gurl' karl sez. windy get on his back n dey fly in2 sunset. they look 20% coolr than maple did.

'taht happnd' maple sed. she secrtly jeelus cuz she lyke carl 2 nd also think she bettr ryding in2 sunset.

'no my brokn hart' diaper sez. he collapse on2 dirt n cry 4evr.

every1 is soupr sad about diaper dying. actlly no. dey dance on hiz grave n throw biggest 'diaper is ded' party evr.

maple, zeus, satan, windy, n karl alll r praty when there nock on door

dey open in. satan dont know wut 2 look at and haz 2 look down cuz teh persun es short

'suprise bitz' gidden sez. 'i bet u thot u seen da last off me'

'NOPE' satan sez n kicks gidden in2 sun 4 reel, naht just cool aefect. gidden gets burn.

'not mah hayr' giddn sez. he die

'much death such fic wow' zeus sez

also karl n windy kiss in corner

suddnly a buncha corn pops outta satans chest. it make hug e baby

'ahm a buff babe that can dance lyke a man' teh corn babe sez he punch maples butt.

'ah can puncha ur buns valentine' he wispur creeply

'NOOOOOOOOO' maple screem 'IT NAWT EVEN NEER VALNTYNES DAY'

'kill it wit fyre' zeus grabs a flamthrowr n roast the corn. it magic korn n keep dancing.

dey tri a few more thymes n suddnly teh corn grow a face

it grow red hare n glasses n lil black eyes n green sweater

'hello satan' it sais 'im betty. i'm baaaaaack'

'WE BEAN PREPARIN 4 APOCALYPSE' satan yell ripping off shirt 'WE FITE BETTYPOCALYPSE'

evrythin go black

Stan bolted up in his bed, drenched in a cold sweat and hearing a scream louder than an atomic bomb exploding in his mind. Panting, the old man pried himself out of bed.

He splashed some cold water on his face from the rickety old sink in his bathroom. The cracked clock on the wall said that it was about six in the morning. He figured that nobody was awake yet.

The nightmares came almost every time he fell asleep. Something about the poor grammar, frequent deaths, and multitude of fandom references scared him nearly to death, and he always woke up terrified.

Was it because he stayed up so late every night? All that he did in that time was watch The Duchess Approves and some Japanese cartoon about crossdressing or something. Or was it because of that one time he checked the site ? Come to think of it, it was extremely late when he read that story, too. It was some sort of parody, a low quality but relatively funny short story about a girl named Syrup, a boy named Underpants, some males named Devil, Poseidon and Getten, a cannon dog, a hot girl named Breezy, and a ghost named Bob. Whoever wrote it in the first place must have been far too tired to be allowed near a computer.

He was too tired to be reading those things.

Stan sighed. He couldn't think straight sometimes; sleep deprivation causes horrible things.

**Let me explain. One night, it was around 11:45 and I was tired, and I was struck with the urge to write. Knowing that in my sleep-deprived state, I wouldn't be able to churn out anything good, I wrote a dumb Gettysbur6 Island one-shot. Even with a story like this, I could see my writing deteriorating with every sentence. Also, on Google Docs I didn't want it to be named Untitled Document, and I didn't feel like making up a decent title, so I named it "it's almost midnight and I feel like writing fluffly one-shots: a series by crazyguitargirl". The next morning, I read it over, and found it amusing to see what my tired mind came up with. So this is a new series I'm doing of one-shots. I might take requests, maybe not. Of course, I go back and edit them the next morning, but I left this one untouched. I hope you guys like my crazy, tired, but still pretty original ideas for one-shots.**

**(gettysbur6 island belongs to clicheusername1234, by the way)**

**(and I apologize for all of the fandom references, especially the adventure time ones.)**


	2. Older

**Continuing the theme of strange/different writing, I have something pretty interesting (and really rather terrifying) right here. It's probably the first piece of fanfiction, Gravity Falls or otherwise, that I ever wrote (although, I think I wrote a High School Musical thing back in the 3rd grade). From the depths of my hard drive, with minimal editing, way back from before I got my account over a year ago, I present to you:**

**The file that has been saved as "Older" since February 2013. **

"Dipper! We're leaving in five minutes!"

Mabel Pines ran up the stairs, her black flats making a racket on the hard wood. She skidded to a stop when she reached her 16-year-old twin brother's bedroom.

"I know Mabel, just a minute," Dipper laughed. Yeah, he was excited to get to their summer vacation spot, but never quite as much as Mabel. She was enthusiastic about everything, so that was no surprise.

"Well, hurry!" The brown-haired girl commanded, already running back downstairs. "I don't want to keep Candy and Grenda waiting!"

"And Grunkle Stan," Dipper called after her, returning to his packing. "And Soos."

Somewhere in the house, Mabel's voice echoed, "And Wendy!"

Dipper paused with a pair of pants halfway into his suitcase.

"Yeah," he said. "And Wendy."

* * *

A rushed breakfast in the Pines family house was never a pretty sight, especially when Mabel was bouncing so much in her seat, she was nearing liftoff, Dipper was half-paying attention to his food, and their mother was frantically trying to get things into order.

"Hurry up, kids!" Mrs. Pines said, rushing the twins to finish breakfast. They sat at their small wooden table, eating as fast as humanly possible. Any quicker, and they probably would lose a jaw.

"Mom, we're not kids anymore," Dipper corrected, chewing his eggs. "We're sixteen. Teenagers." Finally. Dipper thought that it sounded right, so much better than preteens, or worse, children.

"Alright. Then, hurry up, teenagers," She humored him, setting a plate of bacon on the table.

Mabel shot up a disappointed look. "Waddles would not approve!" She chastised. Her brief moment of anger turned to pure happiness as she added, "I can't wait to get to Gravity Falls and see him again!"

"Yeah, yeah," Dipper rolled his eyes. Mabel's fondness for that pig was unbearable sometimes. At least she agreed that Waddles would stay in Oregon. It spared Dipper of more than a few months a year of everything he owned smelling like raw pork and mud.

"Time to go!" Their mom plucked the plate Dipper was eating off of from the table. He gave her a look of protest, grabbed another forkful of eggs, and got up, slinging his backpack around his shoulder.

"Bye mom!" Mabel hugged her, bouncing out of the door. She hopped into the shotgun seat of their old Ford, grinning. It was almost like she was still only twelve, with a childlike enthusiasm.

"See you in the fall." Dipper nodded at his mother before pulling on the hat he got from his first trip to the Shack. It was dirty, ripped, and a little bit too small, but he still wore it every day.

Halfway out the door, his mom asked him, "Dipper, when are you going to get rid of that thing?" T

he teen turned around and grinned.

"Maybe next summer." Some things didn't have to ever change.


End file.
